Girl Scouts (cookies!)

This might surprise some of you, but I once was a Girl Scout.

Or maybe it surprises none of you, I don’t know. But, I was.

Like most things throughout my youth, it had little to do with the pledge, any kind of honor, anything related to “scout”… and had everything to do with social time.

So I guess you could say the “girl” part did apply.

I can’t even remember the pledge (OK, “promise,” technically), so I had to look it up:

On my honor, I will try: To serve God and my country, To help people at all times, And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

For some reason, we all screamed the last line, too, when we recited the promise. I have no idea why. Not because we meant what we were saying, I can tell you that.

I do remember my troop number — #769! I think I remember this because we once decorated white ball caps with neon puffy paint for an outing and I wrote my troop number on mine. You gotta love the ’90s.

I also remember that hat because at said outing, some old hag got annoyed with how my group of friends was acting in line for an activity or ride ( Side note: We were at a lock-in at COSI (Center of Science and Industry), a science museum and research center in Columbus, Ohio), and I remember her narrowing her eyes and saying “Troop #769, OK, I’ll remember that.” I don’t remember what we were doing that was so offensive.

Absolutely nothing came of it. I guess we were a rowdy group, because I also remember my mom, who was chaperoning, and another chaperone getting shushed during lights out. Girl Scouts (TM!) need to chillll, man.

Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff. And by that I mean, THE COOKIES. (Also, camp. Camp was the fucking best!)

Hello, gorgeous.

Y’all, this week has not been kind to my waistline. Not that I’m one for dieting, but even my undisciplined ass knows that no good really comes of having 4 boxes of these bad boys in your house. And on top of that, we got a delivery of a bunch of cheese at work today. And on top of THAT, we got free cream cheese and bagels delivered on Monday.

So my week has been something like — come into work, coffee, bagel with cream cheese…. all the stuff that happens in between…. go home, make a balanced dinner (thanks, Hello Fresh!)… GORGE ON COOKIES AND CHEESE.

It’s been awhile since I even purchased Girl Scout cookies. It tickles me to death that they are mostly the same as they were back in the day. I mean, if it ain’t broke, right?!

I absolutely sucked at Girl Scout cookie sales. All sales. I had no drive. I remember my mom getting on my case on a lazy Sunday afternoon, imploring me to walk the streets of my little town and knock on doors to see if people wanted to buy cookies.

My reaction was basically:

I did always make a few sales. I mean, they kind of sell themselves. Relatives would buy a few boxes, and I think I asked a few people at church. But I just didn’t care. I cared about what we were ordering and when I would get to eat them. But sales? BORING.

Which translated to me feeling left out and shitty when the girls who actually gave a fuck would get awarded with prizes, and I would just stand there, wishing I really would have buckled down so I could get one of these sweet ass T-shirts:

Man oh man oh MAN did I want one of those shirts! The year that those came out… it was the only time I felt truly sorry I hadn’t done more.

Which brings me to how I ended up with cookies this year. One of my best friends is getting married. Her childhood best friend is the maid of honor, and I’m performing the ceremony (!), so naturally, there have been a few girlie gatherings to discuss wedding-related things. So I’ve gotten to know this woman a bit, and she has the most DELIGHTFUL daughter. She just turned 6 or 7, but she’s like a mini adult. So quick, so sassy, so fun.

And she’s a Girl Scout. It’s her first year selling cookies. At a recent Sunday brunch get-together — as we were working on a wedding-related craft and I was trying not to make it super obvious to this impressionable young lass that I was terribly hungover — I told her I would buy some cookies from her.

And no, I didn’t tell her any of what I’ve told you in this blog, so don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll do much better than I did.

I wonder what they give you when you make a lot of sales now… an iPhone?

Anyway, I’ll bet she gets the top prize. I’m glad I could do my part, for the youth.

As for me, sometime in middle school I think I quit the Girl Scouts. I don’t remember it being some dramatic thing — I just sort of phased it out of my life similar to piano lessons and most sports (when you get to high school, it’s kind of uncool to keep playing if you really suck, at least that’s how I felt).

I wonder if I can find one of those T-shirts at Goodwill….

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