For some divorced gals, there comes a time when you decide to take the plunge again. You’ve met what you hope is truly “the right guy for you.” You put aside your misgivings stemming from your previous marriage having imploded and take the next step into a hopeful future with your new, fingers-crossed-it’s-really-it-this-time, “true love.”

Orrrrrr you watch your ex do it first.

No, I’m not engaged. But my ex husband is, as of a little more than a week ago.

I’M FINE.

In truly peak 2019 fashion, I found out via Facebook as I was mindlessly scrolling while dog-sitting on a Saturday night. My reaction went something like this:

I’m over my ex. I was starting to get over him before we even broke up, but that’s neither here nor there.

Still…. it is kind of a thing, no? That moment when they officially move on? I knew he was dating and he seemed happy, and I’m dating and I’m happy, and in no universe that I’m aware of would we ever get back together. But yeah…. THAT happened.

I first texted my best friend, who was drinking, and had less than flattering things to say about it. To be fair, since the day we broke up her stance has been a very unwavering “FUCK THAT GUY,” so at least she’s consistent.

Within the next 10 hours I’d heard from another bestie, who knowingly texted me something along the lines of “I know this is totally fine but should we just acknowledge it and get it out of the way??” Literally perfect, hahahaha. And then I saw my other best gal at brunch and we talked briefly about it. She encouraged me to get another cocktail, and I obliged. TWIST MY ARM.

I then attempted to be a real adult and actually texted my ex “Congrats” later that day. He said thank you. That was that.

And really, I am happy for him. It’s not like I don’t want him to move on, and like I said, I’ve moved on. It is what it is.

It did bring up some mixed feelings I have about the fact that he asked me for the ring back when we broke up. I may or may not have looked closely at the photo to see if the ring looked… um….. familiar. Hard to say. I really hope, though, and sincerely believe, he would not do that. When he asked for it back he said he would likely sell it or give it to a sibling to use as a ring in the future, or… whatever.

This is a highly controversial subject among some of my friends and family. When he asked for it, it hurt a little. I mean, it wasn’t like I was going to wear it. I’d either keep it hidden away with our marriage license or I might have even sold it, being pretty cash-poor when we split (Note to you ladies — maintain your own savings account!). But it’s just that on top of the whole, “hey, this isn’t working out and I’m leaving you” bit, it adds sort of another layer, like, “hey, I also wish I’d never asked you and so I’d like that thing back now, please?” It just doesn’t make you feel super awesome, is all.

So ANYWAY, other than that lame thought train, it’s more or less a non-event. Just something I’m tweeting, joking and blogging about but like, really, no big deal. Mmmm hmmmm.

But then I saw another post a couple days later. My college boyfriend also got engaged THAT SAME FUCKING WEEKEND.

What the fuck is so special about March fucking 23???? What is going ON?! I immediately texted another one of my exes (yes, I have several) that I talk to once in a blue moon and just asked, with no background, “Are you engaged??”

Him: “No… but I am moving in with my girlfriend this weekend. Why??”

When I explained, he acknowledged it was weird and kind of funny. Then he quit responding. He probably thinks I’m weird or lame or something, but conveniently, I don’t give a fuck what he thinks! I took to Twitter:

OK, I didn’t really. But maybe I should!

As a week has passed, and the dust of my failed relationships has settled…. I have had like zero time to reflect further on this because I’m fucking busy. I worked a trade show in Chicago with my boss then went to Brewers opening weekend in Milwaukee.

But now, back at my desk and faced with an ever-growing list of articles to write, it seemed a prudent time to drop everything and process this on ye olde blog. So, that’s what I’m doing. I also hope I’m entertaining you a bit because well…. you can’t make this shit up.