It’s been somewhat of a struggle to get into the spirit of the holidays this year.
I’ve found that in my adult years, really ever since high school, that happens off and on. Some years are more special than others. Some holiday seasons are snow-covered, dreamy weeks filled with Christmas music, lights, cheer and love-fueled gift giving…. while others are fraught with bills, stress, loss and the winter blues.
Thus far, this season has been shaping up to be the latter.
Despite my half-assed attempt to create a budget in 2018, it pretty much blew up by mid-year. I’m still living paycheck to paycheck, just making ends meet, enjoying life enough but with no real savings or future financial plans to speak of.
A lot of days, I look around me and it’s like… why bother? The political and economic climate is pretty dismal. I figure getting by day by day is good enough, and maybe it’s best to be renting, in a domestic partnership, with no real attachment holding me anywhere. If the shit really hits the fan, I am free to go.
Where? I don’t know, but … I am?
Can we say….
Ha. Seriously, though. In the past month-and-a-half, our household was hit with:
- Unexpected medical expenses
- Less than ideal health-related family news
- Car trouble
- More car trouble
- More car trouble
- The Wisconsin Republican legislature of turds (OK, that’s not exactly personal, but it doesn’t help)
- Miscellaneous drama
And you want me to “rock around the Christmas tree”? I don’t even want to put up a Christmas tree to rock around. It sounds like too much work, and I’m already anticipating the pain of taking it down in a few weeks.
I was feeling really down as November came to a close. When you’re not feeling the spirit of the holidays, the constant barrage of commercials, jingles, lights and Christmas specials almost feels like a personal assault at times. It goes on whether you’re feeling it or not.
But this past weekend, I had a slight change of heart. And it wasn’t because the Who’s of Whoville kept singing that damn song with nonsense lyrics (OK, for real, I love it, but what the hell are they saying in the beginning?!) and my heart grew three sizes or some shit, but rather by realizing a simple fact:
Life is always in flux, so if things kind of suck right now…. well, it’s about to turn around!
I found comfort in this. Sometimes, when we can’t pull ourselves out of a rut, I think the best thing we can do is just wait. Just get by and wait it out. Do what you can, and what you can’t, you can’t.
Armed with this nugget of solace, I found it in me to put on some Christmas music and decorate the apartment on Saturday. Lowkey decorating anyway — still no big tree — but once it was done, I found that I was grateful for the lights and a bit of cheer about my home. Luke agreed. He kept saying “I was really dragging my heels, but it looks nice in here.”
We also had some festive time with friends and my company holiday dinner, so I was feeling pretty grateful for the people in my life and all that I do have.
Don’t get me wrong, either. Could it be worse? Absolutely. Are there others far less fortunate? Totally. Do I still manage to keep that in mind and give where I can? You betcha. But that doesn’t mean some of us in the middle don’t feel those blues and struggle from time to time.
But I’ll wait this one out. Tom Petty always said, the waiting is the hardest part.
Happy holidays to you and yours!