Bathing suits and big-girl problems

UGH, bathing suit shopping, amirite?! ‘Tis the season…  Every year I tell myself the last thing I need is a new bathing suit. I think last year I actually managed to make it the whole summer without buying one. But this year, as I embarked on my first pool day last Sunday, I came to two realizations:

  1. A fair amount of the bathing suits I own need to be tossed out. I may never wear them again. IF I get down to a future weight where what I own is too big, I can reward myself with … shopping!
  2. My retro high-waisted bikini that has saved my life for the past two-plus summers is starting to wear out in the lining. I’m thinking it may not make it past this season. When I went on Amazon to try to reorder the exact same thing, it was no longer available.

Here’s where the fun begins!

Ideally, I’d love to be able to wear something like this:

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But let’s be serious! I haven’t been able to wear anything like that since high school/early college, and I didn’t even think I was thin then. (Ha! HA! What I wouldn’t give to have my 19-year-old lifeguard body back OMG….)

But alas, the above is generally what you see when you peruse the aisles of Target over your lunch break, for example. I’m literally laughing out loud as I sift through the racks, holding up an “extra large” bikini bottom that more closely resembles a fucking headband.

This would probably be tight around my head, actually.

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I mean, what’s with the cutting of the material on the sides?! Like there was too much there to begin with?!

What about one pieces? Well, the thing is, they’ve never really been my thing. Just like rompers. When I go to the bathroom, I’m not keen on having to get completely naked, OK? Not my jam.

Also, yes, they sell “skirts” and “shorts” as bottoms, too, and I’ve tried that. They’re OK. But what if I just want some basic COVERAGE of my rump and belly area akin to how I suck it in all day wearing a silkier, nicer version of basically granny panties, but in bathing suit form?! Is that really too much to ask?!

So with that in mind… the comeback of this style is the best thing ever.

This is actually the bathing suit I ordered in 2015.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you, fashion gods, for giving me this gift. I love this suit. But like any normal girl … I get bored. That, plus the lining problem, and I’m shopping again, and I don’t want to just buy another polka-dot retro suit.

Enter phase 2: Finding things you love, but then not being able to customize the top and bottom.

Me likey a lot … but a larger top ain’t gonna work.

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What’s up with that?! Are most people really that proportional that they’re like, oh, yep, medium bottom, medium top, I’m done! For YEARS, clothing or otherwise, my tops tend to be smaller than my bottoms. Even when I was thin, I’ve always had a booty and pretty generous thighs, but my boobs are a larger B/smaller C at best, and until more recently, I was pretty petite around my torso and arms.

Ugh. Anyway, I actually made that mistake when I ordered the blue polka dot suit in a larger size. The top was way too big, and after a couple incidents of flashing everyone, I bought a completely different blue polka dot top that kinda sorta matches.

Do you see how exhausting this is?!

Now, today, I did stumble across some cute stuff on Mod Cloth, which does separate the tops and bottoms. But it’s pricier, and if you’ve been reading my blog at all, you know I’m not all about that. I just didn’t find anything that totally worked.

So I went back to Amazon, and just ordered some retro-style (read: full coverage) bottoms in various colors to try to mix and match with some tops I have. I also did order one one-piece, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m telling you though…. trying to hike that thing back up after you go to the bathroom and it’s wet… I’m already thinking of returning it.

Best of luck this bathing suit season, ladies! Xoxo.

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