Concert crowd

In my last post ( https://alyssagoesadulting.com/2019/07/01/sweet-summertime/), I talked about how this summer was shaping up nicely with some trips and musical events. Not even 48 hours after posting that, I won tickets to see Dave Matthews Band last Friday at Alpine Valley, an outdoor musical venue/amphitheater. The summer of fun continues!

While tailgating for Dave, my boyfriend Luke and I got into a brief discussion about some of the things you see at shows — specifically, some of the different types of people you see. I thought it would be fun to blog about that, because I think we’ve all seen some of these people, we all know some of these people, and hell — at any given time or another, I’ve BEEN some of these people. So, here goes.

#1: The Super Fan

Who am I kidding? These people are cooler than I will ever be.

There are a couple of different types of super fans, and I’m going to get into a different subset of that in #2, but for this one, I’m talking about someone who makes their fandom KNOWN without leaving you to guess. This person is wearing the band T-shirt, possibly flying a band flag at their tailgate spot and blasting the band’s music all during the tailgate. Like, whoa, WE GET IT.

Personally, I don’t love listening to the band before the show starts. Luke and I were very close to a group like this while we were tailgating for Dave, and I was grumbling that I didn’t need to hear the whole setlist beforehand. We also got into the debate about wearing the band’s shirt to their show and agreed to disagree — he thinks it’s fine, I think it’s kind of… lame? I don’t know. I did recently see an article about how there’s nothing to hate on there and it’s free advertising for the band’s merch table. I do see how that could be a good thing.

Sometimes these people can be know-it-alls, too. They think their extreme fandom somehow gives them an in to the inner workings of the band. I once was chatting with a friend of a friend before an MGMT show, and this person was saying they NEVER play “Kids” at live shows. Never.

They fucking played it.

#2: The Die Hard Follower

“Die”-hard, get it? LOL

When I was a kid, the Grateful Dead came to town every summer, and with them came a loyal band of followers known as “Dead Heads.” These hippies would camp out in yards around town and come through in caravans when the band came through.

I was scared to death of them. I didn’t know what “dead head” meant, and it sounded scary as shit. Now, these type of people are my FRIENDS. Who knew?!

Anyway, you get the idea. These people will follow bands across the country, even the world, and the number of shows they have seen can get up into the hundreds. If you’ve got the time and money, I say, good for you!

#3: The Influencer

Yes, I’m guilty, but sighhhhhhhh

Did you even really go to the show if there’s no photo or video to prove it?!

Apparently NOT. Yes, I’m guilty. I like to do a snap or two of some of my favorites, but I do think it’s important to actually be in the moment and enjoy said favorites, so I try to keep it to a minimum. Depending on how much I’ve had to drink.

I have a friend who posts so many snaps at shows, I joke that I don’t even need to go because I get the highlights. But, it can be annoying when someone constantly has their phone up. You (in theory) paid to be here, so enjoy it!

#4: The Talker and The Singer

Belt it out, girl.

These two people are very different sides of the same coin. The first is the worst, while the latter is me.

If you need to chat, at the very least, GTFO out of the front row/front section… really get yourself to the lawn and/or lobby. Shut. It.

But sing your heart out! Isn’t that what the band wants? OK, maybe not during a quiet moment or an instrumental solo. But we’re here to enjoy this music, so why not sing along? I know where I go wrong. It’s when I make 10 snaps of me singing along and you can ONLY hear me and not the band. I hear you… but I probably won’t stop, anyway.

#5: The Requester

Please just stop.

Somewhere in between the talker and the singer, you’ve got the song requester.

UGH, JUST STOP. The band most likely has a chosen set list prior to the show based on a number of factors, including not repeating what they already played last night for the #2s. Barring them asking for requests, which is rare, it’s just obnoxious for you to be shouting out song titles. Part of the magic is you either get a song, or you don’t. So go see them again! Or write them off. Just stop yelling.

#6: The Lucky Freeloader

Hiiiiii.

Back in the day, we had to stand in line, in the rain, UPHILL BOTH WAYS to get concert tickets. Now, we have to hit refresh a bazillion times on our phones and hope we get into the queue before they sell out. Or, we get lucky and win them!

There are a handful of shows I probably would have never seen had I not won, but I’m usually at least a mild fan if I enter to win.

Or you could be like my charmed younger brother. In 2014, Luke and I took a road trip to my college town of Athens, Ohio (technically we were in Nelsonville) for a music festival where we camped and saw a bunch of great bands including The Avett Brothers. My family drove down on Saturday to meet in town for drinks since it was my 31st birthday. My brother knew someone who had an extra VIP pass (of course he did), so he came for the last night (Avett) with no tent, no plan, hung in the VIP area and slept in someone’s car.

Recently, a friend and I got to see Thomas Rhett for free, including VIP tent access, plus she met him. A good rule of thumb we employed liberally that day was that if you get in for free, buy you some DRANKS. I spent more than I care to admit (but SummerFest prices are kind of nuts, too).

#7: Wait… there was a show?

The waves in this pool are super choppy, man.

Sometimes, some of us can get a little carried away in the tailgating stages. Yes, I’m guilty. I barely remember seeing Michael Che at the Comedy Club. That 2-drink minimum can be a real bitch when you’ve had several leading up to the show. It also can be challenging at festivals. Just remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time, and hydrate up! Or don’t, but just try not to stumble into anyone or piss yourself. That’s unbecoming. The buddy system is your friend, literally. Pick someone to remind you to drink water! In my experience, it has a 25% success rate.

And guys, really, this is all in good fun. As long as you’re having fun and not ruining the experience for others, you do you! Now, get off your phone/computer, and go see some live music!

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Sweet Summertime

I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself… but I’m kind of having a great summer.

I’ve been taking a lot of long weekends lately, and I think it’s saving my sanity. There has been travel involved in some of them, but it’s still nice to have an extra day here and there. A few weeks ago, I made the executive decision to take this Friday off and I am so pumped for the upcoming Fourth of July holiday now.

Let’s do this thing, America.

Luke and I typically spend the warmer months doing a fair amount of camping and attending various music festivals, but we’re taking a year off from the latter. This is due in large part to the fact that we’re actually taking some vacations! We went to Savannah in March, I went to DC in May, we just got back from a wedding in Memphis and a weekend in Iowa, and next weekend we’re heading up to Door County — our first camping of 2019. His family also is coming up next month to do a Mallards baseball game and a lake cruise.

I also had the opportunity to attend SummerFest last week on opening day to see Thomas Rhett (VIP no less, but that’s a story for another day), which was my first time back at SummerFest since 2014. We saw Billy Joel in the spring at Miller Park, won tickets to Rob Thomas in Madison recently, and I’m kicking around the idea of getting tickets to Hall & Oates in August.

So yeah… I’m kind of having a great time! In between the travel, I’m just enjoying being in the sun when we’re lucky enough to have it, reading, trying to decide what my Drink of the Summer is (sweet tea and whiskey is inching ahead, thanks Memphis!) and being near any body of water.

I know there have been summers that just flew by, that just felt like any other workday of the year but with nicer weather to make me feel cooped up in my office. For whatever reason, this year I’m feelin it. Summer is the best.

That’s it. That’s all I really have to say. I’m always going to have life stuff to blog about, stressful stuff to work through. It’s nice to be able to just take a moment to appreciate the good times.

FUCK IT

I just turned 36, y’all!

This crazy Gemini loves her birthday. It pretty much starts as soon as May does, even though my birthday isn’t until the 31st. The dawn of May is a celebration in itself because it’s the end of a large project we do every year at my job. It’s also typically better weather than the first few months of the year. It just feels more relaxed all around, we get a 3-day weekend with Memorial Day and then my birthday falls right after that. What’s not to love about MAY?!

This year was no exception. May brought the biggest sigh of relief at work yet since in addition to the larger workload, we had an extra trade show during which I had to spend 3 nights in a hotel room with my boss. Yes, you’re reading that correctly — the SAME ROOM. My feelings leading up to it can only be described as a sense of impending doom akin to how the folks at Winterfell must have felt as the White Walkers approached in “The Long Night.” (Ooops — spoiler alert. Winter came, and we couldn’t see a fucking thing.)

But the joke’s on my boss because I snore now, and badly. So we’ll see if that happens again anytime soon! Truth be told, being roomies really wasn’t all that bad. But it’s not ideal.

So, May came and kicked off weeks of sunny days on my porch, lighter workdays, an early birthday spa weekend with friends, a trip to visit my bestie in Washington, D.C., and culminated with shopping and a movie on my actual birthday followed by a bar crawl the next day. Whew! I’m tired just writing that out. I’ll see you guys in August.

During my trip to D.C., two things of note happened, rather simultaneously. The first was that I wore a romper.

This is a big deal. I have hated on rompers for years. To me, it’s a sad way to ruin an otherwise cute dress. I’ve tried on my fair share since they came into fashion, but I was always disgusted and disappointed at the end result. I comforted myself with the knowledge that I wouldn’t have to get butt ass naked just to pee.

But something happened this year. Call it FOMO or call it giving in to seeing too many cute ones in every.single.store. and deciding I’m not basic enough until I’ve given in to yet another semi-ridiculous fashion trend (you will NOT get a fanny pack on me, though), but over one slow lunch hour walking around the mall, I found one that fit me. My reaction was understated.

Me in the dressing room.

And you guys — it had pockets. I can only resist so much.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I texted my DC crew to let them know we were doing an official romper day while I was there. My friend Katie is partly to blame for this whole thing anyway since she has talked up rompers (peeing naked be damned!) for like a year, my friend Emily had just recently purchased one and Steph… well Steph was just directed to purchase one and being always laid-back, go-with-the-flow Steph, she did.

Previous to this, we’d already planned to do drag brunch at this place called Perry’s. What is a drag brunch, you may be wondering. Well, a drag brunch is simply THE BEST FUCKING DAY OF YOUR LIFE MADE BETTER ONLY BY WEARING A FUCKING ROMPER.

I’ve heard.

“HASHTAG ROMPER BRUNCH — IT’S A THING!”

Seriously though, it was awesome. You get an all-you-can-eat buffet with GOOD food, drinks and then drag queens performing around all the tables. In the middle, they called up anyone who was celebrating a birthday or other milestone, so I went up there as did my friend Katie.

It was then that a beautiful drag queen told me something I’ve been carrying with me since: 36 is the age of “Fuck it!” y’all. FULL VIDEO ABOVE.

When Katie’s turn came, she shared that we were all wearing rompers to which the queen said “Hashtag Romper Brunch — it’s a thing!”

So, guys, it’s a THING. Just so you know.

I’ve carried the joy of that day with me all week. Even through wearing a different romper to the movies on Friday, which I decided was way too much effort. Hashtag, pee like you’re camping (it’s a thing).

I’ve been moving to this “Fuck it” vibe for awhile, if I’m being honest. I’m 36 with no kids. If I want to plan a bar crawl for my birthday — fuck it, I did. It was a blast. When the final stop — karaoke — was too packed for our crew, did I loudly sing off key to songs on the juke box at another bar? Fuck it — I did! (Cough, snapchat.) Did I eat McDonald’s for breakfast this morning? Fuck it — I did!

Thanks for another great year!

So, that happened

For some divorced gals, there comes a time when you decide to take the plunge again. You’ve met what you hope is truly “the right guy for you.” You put aside your misgivings stemming from your previous marriage having imploded and take the next step into a hopeful future with your new, fingers-crossed-it’s-really-it-this-time, “true love.”

Orrrrrr you watch your ex do it first.

No, I’m not engaged. But my ex husband is, as of a little more than a week ago.

I’M FINE.

In truly peak 2019 fashion, I found out via Facebook as I was mindlessly scrolling while dog-sitting on a Saturday night. My reaction went something like this:

I’m over my ex. I was starting to get over him before we even broke up, but that’s neither here nor there.

Still…. it is kind of a thing, no? That moment when they officially move on? I knew he was dating and he seemed happy, and I’m dating and I’m happy, and in no universe that I’m aware of would we ever get back together. But yeah…. THAT happened.

I first texted my best friend, who was drinking, and had less than flattering things to say about it. To be fair, since the day we broke up her stance has been a very unwavering “FUCK THAT GUY,” so at least she’s consistent.

Within the next 10 hours I’d heard from another bestie, who knowingly texted me something along the lines of “I know this is totally fine but should we just acknowledge it and get it out of the way??” Literally perfect, hahahaha. And then I saw my other best gal at brunch and we talked briefly about it. She encouraged me to get another cocktail, and I obliged. TWIST MY ARM.

I then attempted to be a real adult and actually texted my ex “Congrats” later that day. He said thank you. That was that.

And really, I am happy for him. It’s not like I don’t want him to move on, and like I said, I’ve moved on. It is what it is.

It did bring up some mixed feelings I have about the fact that he asked me for the ring back when we broke up. I may or may not have looked closely at the photo to see if the ring looked… um….. familiar. Hard to say. I really hope, though, and sincerely believe, he would not do that. When he asked for it back he said he would likely sell it or give it to a sibling to use as a ring in the future, or… whatever.

This is a highly controversial subject among some of my friends and family. When he asked for it, it hurt a little. I mean, it wasn’t like I was going to wear it. I’d either keep it hidden away with our marriage license or I might have even sold it, being pretty cash-poor when we split (Note to you ladies — maintain your own savings account!). But it’s just that on top of the whole, “hey, this isn’t working out and I’m leaving you” bit, it adds sort of another layer, like, “hey, I also wish I’d never asked you and so I’d like that thing back now, please?” It just doesn’t make you feel super awesome, is all.

So ANYWAY, other than that lame thought train, it’s more or less a non-event. Just something I’m tweeting, joking and blogging about but like, really, no big deal. Mmmm hmmmm.

But then I saw another post a couple days later. My college boyfriend also got engaged THAT SAME FUCKING WEEKEND.

What the fuck is so special about March fucking 23???? What is going ON?! I immediately texted another one of my exes (yes, I have several) that I talk to once in a blue moon and just asked, with no background, “Are you engaged??”

Him: “No… but I am moving in with my girlfriend this weekend. Why??”

When I explained, he acknowledged it was weird and kind of funny. Then he quit responding. He probably thinks I’m weird or lame or something, but conveniently, I don’t give a fuck what he thinks! I took to Twitter:

OK, I didn’t really. But maybe I should!

As a week has passed, and the dust of my failed relationships has settled…. I have had like zero time to reflect further on this because I’m fucking busy. I worked a trade show in Chicago with my boss then went to Brewers opening weekend in Milwaukee.

But now, back at my desk and faced with an ever-growing list of articles to write, it seemed a prudent time to drop everything and process this on ye olde blog. So, that’s what I’m doing. I also hope I’m entertaining you a bit because well…. you can’t make this shit up.

Oh, holy hell, I need to update my personal email address. And maybe get glasses like this?!

Almost Famous

Earlier this week, I had a tweet go viral.

I think. I’m not really sure what it means to “go viral,” but as someone with 100 followers on a good day, this was exciting.

I’ve had tweets that gained decent traction before, but they were always a silly meme or some reaction I posted as part of my live tweets of either The Bachelor or Dateline. That can happen to anyone.

But this was a little different. Even though it was a response to someone else, there was a significant reaction to what I specifically said.

Here is the original conversation that my comment stemmed from:

The discussion was on obtaining consent — verbal consent — when engaging in sexual activity. Not just sex itself, but kissing, “making out,” what have you.

Enter the “feminist next door” — @emrazz

Good lord, this lady. She deals with man babies, trolls, toxic masculinity and all kinds of fuckbois day in and day out. She takes them to task on Twitter, and I am here for it.

In this instance, you can see her suggestions about obtaining consent can still be sexy if whispered or delivered in the right context, not necessarily a “mood killer” as so many men seem to be so afraid of. (Because heaven forbid you risk killing the mood! Definitely risk doing something she doesn’t want you to do over that!)

Then this Matthew duder responded about women supposedly thinking it’s “sexier” when you don’t ask permission, and it goes from there. I simply weighed in to say, “hey, for what it’s worth, my boyfriend asked if he could kiss me, and it was super cute! I didn’t think it was lame!”

Then people went a little berserk. In a good way.

347 likes, 27 retweets and counting!

I know it’s probably because the comment was tied to @emrazz… but still. Let me bask in these never ending Twitter notifications.

Even my BFF got in on the action, and she has WAY more followers than I do.

Thanks, girrrrrl.

So actually… Luke is famous, I guess, not me.

But still. I’ve never had this much of a response to a tweet before! It’s kind of exciting. Naturally, I’m now just waiting for the calls to come in for my book deal and talk show.

I’m glad my Valentine’s not a fuckboi.

Make me over (for a million bucks)

Last week, I tagged along with a friend to a Rodan and Fields party.

If you’re not familiar (and before this party, I wasn’t), Rodan and Fields is a new direct-to-consumer brand of skin care and makeup products.

(And if you are familiar and I’m not explaining that quite accurately, cut me a break. That’s basically what it is.)

OK. So, I wasn’t sure what to expect. My friend assured me that I did not have to feel obligated to buy anything, but I should just tag along for the wine and snacks and lady time.

Sure, why not?

My experience with these types of “parties” has been limited to a couple of sex toy parties in my early 20s and a Mary Kay event when I first moved to Madison.

The sex toy parties were fun. I think this was in part because it wasn’t like my hosting friends were getting into selling their own inventory of sex toys — as is the case with R+F and brands like Lularoe — but rather a third-party host came into their house to sell for the night, and they just got a discount. So there was little pressure to buy or a guilty feeling of “I should really support my friend in her new business venture,” etc.

Plus, it was fun because we’re talking about dildos, arousing creams and lingerie, not face wash or leggings!

With Mary Kay, I didn’t know anyone personally there, either. It was an “event” held at a pizza joint, and I went because I was getting married and thought it might be a good opportunity to get some higher end makeup or skin care products.

What was especially funny about that event was that I asked my friend Sam to tag along. Sam and I have now been friends for 10 years, but at the time, it was less than a year, so I had no idea that she actually did not wear ANY makeup, ever. She looks good without it, so you wouldn’t even know that, and I didn’t. So my point is just that it was totally irrelevant for her to attend this thing, but she was a good sport and we got free mediocre pizza and I think a few free samples, and I spent about $200. (I got suckered into that because I wanted this free makeup bag kit that came with the purchase….. s-u-c-k-e-r.) We definitely had a few laughs about some of the Mary Kay ladies and their quest for enough sales to get a pink convertible — no thanks, I’m good.

I think we got one follow up text or email from the lady we were paired up with, but after that she took the hint and let it go.

Anyway, from what I can tell, R+F is like the new Mary Kay. It was created by the creators of ProActive, which I have used in the past, but got sick of for two reasons:

• More would always come before I needed it, and

• It smelled bad, IMHO.

But the big pitch is, these people know what they’re doing when it comes to skin care.

Of course, it’s not cheap.

I will say that upon entering my 30s, I have tried to invest a bit more in skin care. I already have gray hairs (I color my hair every month), and I know wrinkles are on the horizon.

Here is a selfie I literally just took, no filters I promise, although I am wearing makeup.

Hiiiii.

I haven’t had to face too many wrinkles — yet. I think this is in part because I have very oily skin. That presents another problem — I still have breakouts regularly at 35 — but for now, at least the wrinkles are mostly at bay. I’m kind of getting those lines on my forehead, as you can see above. Also, look at that little gray hair sticking out from my part on the right! What a dick.

But the wrinkles won’t stay away forever. My mom looks good for her age, but she has wrinkles, and I know I will, too. I’m also pretty on board with “aging gracefully,” but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try to take care of my skin.

I always try to wear sunscreen when I’m out. I’ve started using heavier night cream at night, and I use eye cream. I try really hard to always wash my face before bed (but… it doesn’t always happen if I’ve had a few drinks, tbh.)

Speaking of night cream, I rub it all the way down my neck and chest because y’all, I’m getting the wrinkly cleavage, and it ain’t pretty.

Circa summer 2018. Curse you, wrinkly cleavage!

“What about the damn R+F party, though?!”– you might be asking. Here’s the thing. It was relatively uneventful, in that I was not suckered into buying anything, and the hostess was very sweet and even gave me a free makeup sample to take home and try out (she is one of my best friend’s childhood friends, after all).

The makeup line appealed to me because instead of a whole slew of foundation, blush, powder, concealer, etc., it was just one thin liquid-like product. If that actually worked for me, that would be amazing. Almost daily, I pile on all of the above, so to just have one product do the work of all of those products, even at a decent cost — it might be worth it.

As it is, sometimes I just don’t wear makeup to work to give my skin a break, to let it breathe. But I look awful. I have blemishes on the regular, after all.

But alas, the free sample did not quite do the trick. If I had a blemish or two to cover up, it just didn’t do it. And if I used the liquid base plus the cover up for the problem areas, well then I have to dust with powder to blend it all in — kind of defeating the purpose.

So I’m going to pass on the R+F for now, but if it sounds appealing to you, I will totally pass you along to this very nice gal trying to get her line off the ground. That wasn’t even the point of this post at all, but I’d be happy to do it. I didn’t even get into the skin care lines — they have 4 different varieties based on your skin type and needs, and my friend purchased one of those. I’ll bet I’d enjoy that, too, but I simply can’t afford it at this time.

If you’re actually interested, check out the website at https://www.rodanandfields.com.

JFC it is like I’m pitching this stuff, but I swear I’m not!

Also of note from the party:

• I was starving, having skipped dinner, and was trying hard not to go to town on the snack table. Wine, too.

“Slip slowly, Alyssa, these are civilized ladies with houses and kids and they probably don’t imbibe the way you do, have some water…”– my inner monologue.

• I was warned/teased by my friend upon arriving that there was a very hump-friendly dog in the house. I’m a fan of doggies, and this one was shut upstairs, so I wasn’t too worried, but I automatically pictured like a great dane or something in my mind, I’m not sure why.

The actual dog did make an appearance at one point, and it was TINY. This just cracked my shit up, based on the giant, big-balled dog I was picturing, and this little guy was shooed out before he got to hump anyone. Better luck next time, buddy.

• As previously mentioned, nearly all the ladies were married, with houses and kids, so the conversation was largely flowing around these topics as people arrived. I was able to weigh in on work/management-type stuff, but at one point, there was an impassioned, long (to me) tangent about door trim. I never knew it could be such a fascinating topic of discussion! (It wasn’t to me, but good for literally everyone else. OK, not really my friend either, even though she owns a beautiful home.)

It’s times like these, I’m reminded that I’m an adult… but like, not totally. Not like “I had to tell my kids about the birds and bees!” and “You should do THAT with that door, that would look great!” — not that type of adult.

Also not the type with a budget to drop on R+F, not today anyway.

Wrinkles — make like my bank balance and lay low, bitches.